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05/04/16

I was at friends place on Sunday night and through a long chat, discussion of why something had resulted so poorly was said to be due to being "super mum".
After my friend had said that, it actually made me sit around and think a little.
Not many people know this, well really probably only my coworker and a couple of the girls know, but my parents work 7 days a week and they work ridiculously long hours. My father gets up at 3am and comes home at 9-10pm ish. My mum gets up at around 5am and comes home at 10-11pm. So yeah they're extremely busy people, in amongst all this, they have 4 children. Myself and my 3 siblings.
You're probably wondering how they work such crazy hours and take care of the children.
Well, the answer you're looking for is..

They don't.

Towards the second half of last year, things began to get really rough, with work and school actually meaning something, it made things utterly difficult. That was also when my parents' work schedule had become even more hectic. So it would come down to me being around for the kids, hence the "super mum". Sometimes I could deal with it, but sometimes I really just want to shoot myself. Not being suicidal, but that's the extent of how irritating parenting can get.
Some may argue that I'm not actually parenting and that I don't actually do that much.
Well putting it into perspective, trying analysing everything your parents do for you, then add on a load of schoolwork (not to mention, the last year of high school counts), then add having a job and lastly, trying to live your life the way you did before, this would include going to the gym, socialising with friends, etc.
Now you can imagine how hard it was. At one stage I was working almost 5 nights a week, still with the same schedule written above. Yes, it was crazy, and yes I also HAD to do it. I won't specify reasons but at the time it needed to be done because I made a promise.
Just in case this post was beginning to sound like a "pity me" post, it's not.
Lets say its about revealing what happens behind the scenes, no one really knows about this and if they thought that they did, then I was vague about it. It's a side of me no one really saw because dealing with it is the only option you have.
Back to the story, I suppose there isn't much else to say but that it was hard, and it still is.
Children need their parents around for them, I can deal with not having mine around but their behaviour stems from what boundaries are and aren't created at a young age. Obviously I can't "parent" because I don't know a thing. But I'm getting by, and that's all that matters.

I remember having people ask me how I could balance out going to school, having a job and going to the gym. I laughed at that thought because that was all I used to do. When I had no worries whatsoever, my life revolved around those three things. I never really knew how to answer people when they asked me because in reality, that wasn't all that I was balancing out.

Steering a little away from this topic now, that would probably be the reason why I'll hang around here for awhile. I had my life perfectly planned out, study nutrition, move to the coast and get away from home. I actually had even the minor details planned out. But unless the circumstances change, it is probably highly unlikely for me to actually do anything I'd like to do for another year.
Maybe I'll take a gap year and just work for a year so that I move out without having to worry about the family. Sometimes I feel like I couldn't do it anyway because it'd be like abandoning them.
They're probably the only thing holding me back in Brisbane, no one else finds me important enough to make me want to stay and if they did, I know that they would cope well.

So I'm not actually sure what this post turned into, but hopefully you know just a tiny bit more about me.

m.